[John] Dear Friends, I had made brief mention to several of you about my stepfather's passing on the 26th of June. He was 91 years old, and had Alzheimer's over most of the past 8-10 years. I was at home in California at the time, and preparing to come to Texas on the 29th of June. That Saturday morning of June 26th, I awoke very early, at 6:00 a.m., wide awake--which is unusual for me (especially for the past 4 years since I have been taking anti-convulsants following neurosurgery for a brain tumor). A few hours later my mother called to tell me that my stepfather had passed away. Just about an hour or so before he died, their pastor from the local Methodist church--who lives next door--had sensed that he needed to stop by here. He, along with Mother and her wonderful caretaker-friend, were here then when my stepfather passed away about half an hour later. I played for the funeral the following Tuesday, and my girl friend, who had come with me from California, sang for the service. It was a beautiful memorial service. The church was filled with family and friends from as far away as Virginia and Colorado and all over Texas. At the end of the service my mother wanted me to play the Hallelujah Chorus, from Handel's Messiah, on the organ, which I did. I am surprised in some ways at the whirwind of activities with which we have been involved in these recent week. My oldest nephew was getting married in Austin the following Saturday, July 3rd, after the funeral. So we left 2 days later for a 4 day trip down to Austin from West Texas. Then we were back here for 3 days, and left for the Dallas-Fort Worth area to visit my brother, and see other relatives, and for both my mother and I to have another series of acupuncture treatments. This time has been very full, with many mixed feelings, a lot of tiredness, and a lot of gratitude for many things, especially for the life of my stepfather and for the past 30 years that he has been part of our family. My mother has been somewhat hyper at times, and exhausted, and yet holding up very well--she is 81 years old. I know that this is the Cancer Forum, and not the Alzheimer's Forum (is there one?). But since my involvement with a brain tumor 4 years ago and with this Forum, I wanted to share some of this with my friends on CIS, and again to thank you for all of your support and help through the posttrauma stress that I have experienced, as well as for your prayers and concern. I am sorry that I have not been very active online lately, but at least now I have my new PowerBook 160 with me on this trip, and my life can continue as a "digital nomad." I'm going back to California next week, so hopefully things will settle down slowly. Peace, John ------------------------------------------------ John, You can share your stories anytime. We are all more than whatever cancer has done in our lives. My dad died after a long bout with Alzheimer's. I don't know of an Alzheimer's forum, but the probably ought to be one somewhere. Those caregivers often really go thru hell. I dread the thought of getting Alzheimer's even more than cancer. (Don't anybody get upset--that is just my PERSONAL feeling. I have lost a sister to cancer and a dad to Alzheimer's and taken care of many other people with one or the other disease. At least I can fight cancer.) Carolyn in West Texas ------------------------------------------------ [John] Carolyn, Thanks for your message. Where are you in West Texas? I am in Andrews--about 45 miles from Midland. I was born and grew up in Lamesa. My stepfather began having symptoms of Alzheimer's about 10 years before he died. I remember the times when he would get lost driving--once he ended up 150 miles down the trail with a load of hay in the back of his pickup. Then my mom had to take away the car keys. Later she had to install double deadbolt locks on all the doors so he would not wander off. It was all baffling at first. Mother said that he knew at first that something was happening, and he was frightened, as was she, and others of us in our family. Then in 1989, when I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, Mother got continuous help to care for my stepfather for the first time, so that she could come and be with me in California for 2 1/2 weeks. When I first found out about the tumor, I didn't want to tell her, because I knew that she had her hands full. However, I talked with my brother, and he and I decided that he would call her first and talk with her. They both said immediately that they would come--which really moved me deeply. Mother and her carehelpers all treated my stepfather with great love and dignity. One of the carehelpers would sing to him, as she bathed and shaved him and dressed him every day. We all talked to him as if he really could understand, even though he could not speak for the last 4-5 years hardly ever. But we could tell if he felt good or bad, or if he was ill. It was a LONG struggle, as you know. Thanks to you and all who have listened to my thoughts and feelings about all of this. I don't think that the real shock of losing my stepfather has yet set in with my mother, and perhaps will hit after I leave next week, for both of us. She and I keep in close touch, and had been talking on the phone daily during his last illness. (I'll never forget my brother's daily calls from Texas during the 2 weeks while I was awaiting brain surgery--nor his flying out there to be with us for a week.) Peace be with you, Carolyn in West Texas John